Becoming a pup and containing the crazy

I dont know where to start in chronicling my most recent foray into being a pup. I have so many mixed feelings on the whole situation. Part of it i loved, and part of it i didnt love at all.

Overall I love the freedom of being a puppy. I love feeling loved and adored by my owner, i love the though of my leash being pulled, i love feeling protective and territorial over my masters domain.. I still struggle with the physical aspects of being a pup. I'm having trouble adopting pup like behavior because mentally i find it degrading and humiliating, and that is a limit i struggle with.

I guess I should start with writing what the expectations were for my 3 day stint of puppy training.
First i was to practice my kneeling posture for 20 mins on either concrete, brick, or dried rice. Then I was to crawl to the couch like a dog, lift my leg as a dog would to pee, but instead of peeing, rub my cunt against the couch cushions untill i came. Then i was to sleep on the floor as a dog would, leashed by my chain to the bed frame attached to my collar, with my water bowl nearby were i to need a drink of water.

What went right:
Kneeling. I chose the concrete of our front stoop.
Crawling. Crawling is crawling, and i like the subjugation feeling of it.
Sleeping on the floor. I'm allowed a pillow and a blanket

What went wrong:
Kneeling. Its really hard on my knees without a pillow. I have an injury from my high school days that gets aggravated when too much weight/pressure is placed on it. I try to avoid situations where i am to kneel on rice or the dreaded glass beads. Its far beyond my pain threshold, even when i was much more masochistic.
"Humping" the couch. I felt so incredibly humiliated. I cried as i forced myself to comply with the Bosses wishes for me to perform such an act. I'm aware that He would enjoy my tears, but all i felt was resentment at being placed in such a vulnerable and humiliating position. I never was able to cum, because i derived no pleasure from the act. Only severe humiliation.
Being leashed to the bed. This was only partially wrong, and it had to do with my collar. I panic when things are too tight around my neck. I feel like im choking and then i begin to hyperventilate. I solved this for the future by purchasing a collar that fits much looser on my neck.


I think my biggest struggle is myself. I'm afraid of looking silly, afraid of being humiliated. Its preventing me from giving myself completely to the Boss and taking that final step into a more slave like mindset. Im afraid physical limitations will soon render me useless to His desires and whims. The silly thing, is that He has never lead me to believe that this is the case. Its my own self defeating attitude that makes me not speak up on things because I dont want to be seen as imperfect, incapable, and displeasing. He has always allowed adjustments to tasks to make them doable, given praise when its deserved and earned, corrected behavior fairly and permanently. If i've ever needed a break, Ive gotten it. If Ive needed explanations they are given.

I need to work on becoming comfortable in my own skin, less shy, less reserved, and confidant in my position as His girl. He obviously picked me for a reason. My jealousy and second guessing are getting in the way. And its time for that to be adjusted.

what is this slow down thing?

Ive been ordered to "slow down". Specifically because a cold i brushed off became bronchitis. I didnt vocalize my illness too much and downplayed it when i did, and now I'm paying the price.

I didnt think i had a slow setting untill i was forced to acclimate to one. In the end, of course the Boss was right. I slept 18 hrs, and i feel way better, though still super sick.

Darn those Bosses always being right